


A study of the human anatomy or How to (unsuccessfully) prevent inter-species awkwardness

by Viken2592



Series: Best space boyfriend - Shakarian oneshots [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Awkward Garrus Vakarian, Best space boyfriend wants to make things right, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Infomercials for Turians, Research on inter-species relations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:20:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25243777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viken2592/pseuds/Viken2592
Summary: Garrus asks Dr Chakwas for information on female human anatomy. A short introspection from the pov of the best space husband, set in ME2.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Series: Best space boyfriend - Shakarian oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1895212
Comments: 15
Kudos: 83





	A study of the human anatomy or How to (unsuccessfully) prevent inter-species awkwardness

**Author's Note:**

> *Pats fic* my first attempt at writing something for the Mass Effect trilogy! English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own.

The doors to the main battery closed before Garrus in their characteristic hiss, causing a slight gush of wind to tickle his mandibles. He had a moment ago told Shepard he would do research on - his mind still reeled at the thought - how they could “blow off steam” together. She’d smiled, telling him she’d let him back to work before she left.

His pulse soared through his veins. Garrus stifled an impulse to clear his throat.

Spirits. She really wanted this. Wanted - him. He wasn't sure if the tingle that rose in his body had to do with nervousness or arousal. He never thought he’d feel something like this for a human. Never thought _she’d_ considered anything like this with him.

He needed to do this right.

Garrus glanced at the monitor to the left of the door. No. Consulting EDI would be moronic; an AI programmed for ship defence was hardly optimized for that kind of advice, what more, everything he asked EDI would surely be forwarded to the illusive man and Garrus didn’t want to give the enigmatic prick that amusement.

Should he ask professor Mordin? No, too risky; Garrus wasn’t sure Mordin wouldn’t hint about his “investigation” to Shepard - the commander and the professor had developed a friendship lately.

What about Dr Chakwas? She served on the original Normandy and had always been kind to him. Yes - she was his best shot at finding the information he needed without a lifetime of humiliation.

Garrus pressed the green panel to the doors and stepped out into the corridor as soon as the metal pieces hissed open before him. Shepard was gone, probably back in her quarters. He strode past the sleeping pods and rounded the corner to the left, trying to look inconspicuous - hell, why would any of the crewmates suspect him of doing anything he shouldn’t? Dr Chakwas helped patch him up after he took that missile to the face on Omega, and he’d been visiting her regularly to check up on his scars since. It was a few weeks since he visited her last, though. He’d healed well and rejected the ointments Dr Chakwas recommended him, telling her he wore his scars with pride. He was a Turian; it wasn’t like he cared about having smooth and supple skin.

Damn. The mere thought of Shepard’s skin underneath her armor sent a thrill through his entire body. He’d never been turned on by a human before, but this was Shepard. They had been through a lot together. She was about the only friend he had left in the Galaxy.

With that thought, Garrus stepped inside Dr Chakwas’ clinical ward and closed the three-pronged door behind him. Once inside, he inhaled the familiar scent of antiseptic alcohol and clean paper sheets. Dr Chakwas was sitting by her desk, perusing an electronic journal with white text flowing on the typical orange background when she noticed him coming in.

“Garrus. No problems with your scars, I hope?” Her voice was kind, as always. It helped soothe Garrus’ strung-up nerves.

“No, no problems,” he said, pleased that they had grown enough familiarity for Dr Chakwas to call him by his first name. “I, eh, I have another matter I’d like to discuss.”

Dr Chakwas crossed her legs and clasped her hands on her lap.

“How can I help you?”

“Uh,” Garrus said eloquently and lifted a hand to the back of his head. He was aware of the way his neck slowly turned blue from his rising blush. “Dr Chakwas, I need some… Information. And I’d like you to help me - discreetly.”

“Of course,” she said, and Garrus’ tensed muscles relaxed a bit. She was a doctor. Discretion was her profession.

“Do you have any, uh,” _Spirits, this is awkward_ , “information booklets on human anatomy? Female human anatomy, to be specific.”

Dr Chakwas’ eyebrows did a little bounce. She opened her mouth but paused a moment long enough to be felt.

“I see,” she said. Another flow of blood crept up the veins of Garrus’ neck at the small twinge to the corner of her lips. “I believe I can help you.” Dr Chakwas turned on her chair and typed in a few commands to her screen before reaching into a drawer and pulling out a brochure. “I’ve sent a few information vids to your private channel. They are encrypted but not unobtainable by Cerberus, although I doubt this is the kind of information that holds interest to the illusive man.” She scribbled a few notes into the brochure with a smile.

Garrus nodded. The Cerberus leader could read whatever she sent him but it would be unattainable to anyone else on this ship. It wasn’t perfect, but it was the best she could do.

“Thank you.”

He accepted the brochure from her outstretched hand and turned to take a step towards the doors. At Dr Chakwas voice, he halted.

“It’s good that you’re doing some research, Garrus. Human and turian physiology is different, but that doesn’t mean that you and the commander are a bad match. Mutual trust and attraction go a long way. Nevertheless, a bit of education never hurts. Many human men would benefit from following your example.”

He didn’t turn to face her, afraid to expose his now in full bloom-blush.

“I never said anything about the commander.”

“Oh please,” she said with a friendly huff, “I have a full view of the mess hall from my office. I’ve seen her go into the main battery more often than she needs.”

Garrus mumbled a “Thanks again”, and stepped out of Dr Chakwas’ ward. Stiffly, he waved a quick hello to a greeting crew member and climbed the stairs to the main battery but paused by the sleeping pods in a jerk. He had planned to get back into his normal place on the ship, but the best way to access the information the doctor sent him would be -

Choosing one at random, Garrus climbed into a sleeping pod and closed it, sinking into the cushiony bed with the familiar sensation of being enclosed in an egg. With a press to the small screen in front of him, he turned on the capsule’s night mode. Dark grey colours filled the hard plastic, making him invisible to outside scrutiny. The lights inside faded save the faint orange of the monitor that was always active should anything happen to the ship.

Garrus groaned silently at the thought of how the other crew members must wonder why he chose to rest in the middle of the solar day. It was normal for crew members to have different sleep cycles, but he usually used the sleeping pods on standard solar nights. With a spark of irritation, Garrus logged into his private channel and pushed all thoughts of the rest of the crew away.

The screen pinged to life, immediately playing an infomercial. “The erogenous zones of the human body, with a special feature of the female human, for a non-human viewer,” said a soft human voice, not unlike that of EDI. An image of a rotating naked human, her arms outstretched like on the famous painting by the ancient human artist Leonardo da Vinci, played before Garrus’ eyes.

A small tingle wandered along with his plates. Dr Chakwas really knew what he was asking for.

“The anatomy of the human body,” said the female voice, “is a large and complex subject. For the purpose of sexual pleasure, the skin is of utmost importance. It is the largest of the human organs and, as with other species, functions to signal tactile impressions to the brain either to warn of immediate danger or to discern the surrounding milieu. It is instrumental in registering sensations of pleasure.”

Garrus nodded, oddly fascinated by the lecture. Turian skin was also sensitive, but his species didn’t have much of it not covered by plates. How evolution had managed to conjure such a soft race as humans was beyond him, but then again, Earth was different from Palaven.

“Although preferences vary among the human female population,” the almost-EDI voice continued, “there are certain erogenous zones that are universally considered pleasurable to touch. Starting with the face,” the voice said as the image of the human woman zoomed in, “human lips are very sensitive. Most humans enjoy pressing their lips to another's in an act called kissing. A kiss may -”

“I know what a kiss is,” Garrus muttered and pressed fast forward. He had seen humans do it, sometimes openly, during his time at c-sec. Although it seemed a good way to transmit diseases, the curious custom slowly spread among other species as humans became more common throughout the Galaxy. Notably, Asari, but also some Salarians and Drells, enjoyed kisses. For natural reasons, it was never adopted among Turians. Plates made for poor kissing skills.

Would Shepard want to press her lips to his mouth? Garrus inhaled and swallowed an inaudible moan. The mere thought of her being close enough to kiss sent a tingle wandering along with his groin plates. He was more than ready to adopt the weird human custom if Shepard wanted him to... But would she enjoy kissing him?

The holo of the naked woman zoomed in to the neck and clavicle area. Garrus pressed the play section of the screen. “According to a survey made by the Institute of Family and Reproductive Health in 2160,” the voice said, “76 per cent of all human females mention the neck as an erogenous zone.”

Garrus made a mental note. He didn’t have soft lips but perhaps if he used his tongue..? The thought prompted him to run the tip his tongue along with his upper lip plate.

“Moving on to the breasts,” continues the pleasant female voice. The image zoomed in on the chest area of the human woman. “Although designed for providing nutrition for infants, the breasts are highly sensitive and mentioned by no less than 89 per cent of human women as an erogenous zone. Touching, licking, and sucking around the areolas and nipples is considered especially -”

Garrus squirmed in his half-seated position in the pod. Once he got used to the odd physiology of humans, he found the more squishy parts of them to be more and more attractive. Admittedly, he had glanced at Shepards rear a few times during obnoxiously long elevator rides and he did admire the way her N7 armor outlined her chest area. The mere thought of pleasuring Shepard by licking her nipples was enough for a familiar tremble to wander over the protective plates over his crotch. He placed a hand between his legs, closing his eyes for a moment.

Hell... Could they really make this right? He hadn’t been this nervous since he lay with his first Turian girl as a teenaged fledgling. _Why_ did he tell her about that time he blew off steam with the recon scout? _Don’t be a fool_ , he chastised himself, _you wanted to come off to her as a stud, as experienced in bed as on the battlefield_. The way his mind stumbled on itself when she suggested they should blow off steam together didn’t change the fact that _he_ had flirted with _her_ in the first place. He joined her team twice because she proved she got things done; why would he be surprised she was as determined about these things as she was about saving the Galaxy? Still, they were so different, at least on the surface...

 _I don’t want something closer to home_ , she’d said. _I want you. I want someone I can trust_. Remembering her words made Garrus relax a little.

“Spirits.” He pressed pause and rewind at the realization his thoughts had wandered past an important part.

“The outward reproductive organs of the human female,” said the infomercial voice at a close up between the legs of a woman, “consists of the outer and inner labia, the vaginal opening, and the clitoris, covered by the clitoral hood.”

Far from arousing, the seriousness of the vid gave the images a clinical impression, in contrast to the glimpses of humans Garrus had seen in Fornax while still in the military. He pricked his non-visible ears at the mention of the last organ, sensing its importance.

“For purposes of sexual pleasure, this is the most important of the female organs”, informed the female voice. “As many as 93 per cent of human women have experienced clitoral orgasms while only 28 per cent claim to have reached climax by vaginal stimulation alone. However, direct touch to the clitoris while unaroused may cause discomfort. It is recommended to approach this part of the human body after ensuring full arousal, for example by kisses and touches to the areas previously described.”

Garrus leaned forwards, intrigued. A... button? Important for female human pleasure? Turian women had a spot inside them one needed to find to get them off, but it was nowhere as visible as this clitoris thing. He made a huge mental note in red ink to this part. The next part of the vid made his jaw drop.

“Human females are known to be capable of multiple orgasms throughout the act of intercourse, although a majority of women typically experience one or two per act. The length of the female human orgasm can span from an average of three to eight seconds, although orgasms as long as twelve seconds have been reported.”

Amazing, Garrus thought. He closed the vid and downloaded it using his omni-tool, equally disturbed by the clinical information he’d received and in awe by its contents. Multiple orgasms? Eight seconds long? No wonder humans multiplied so fast. Hell, if he had been capable of several seconds-long orgasms, he’d never do much else than blow off steam. One thing was for sure; he’d never look at a human woman the same again. He’d never look at Shepard the same again.

Spirits, he wanted to see how she looked like when she reached climax.

He shifted and pulled out the brochure Dr Chakwas gave him from underneath his thigh. “A study of the human anatomy”, it said, “by Andrew Rose, MD.” Funnily enough, it had the image of the Da Vinci-man with outstretched arms and legs inside a circle that Garrus previously thought about. He opened the first page and read the scribbled message by Dr Chakwas.

“Communication is key in any relationship,” it said in neat handwriting, “don’t hesitate to encourage her to tell you what she likes, and to do the same for her. Good luck.”

Garrus let out a snort in an exhale through his nostrils. Dr Chakwas was right. He could study the anatomy of humans for years and he’d still be unprepared for being with the specific person that was Shepard. She had probably done her own research on Turians, but that didn’t mean she would know of his personal likes and dislikes. They needed to talk and to show each other what the other preferred and not. To know each other. The nervous knot in his stomach loosened, although it didn’t vanish.

He’d seen too many things go wrong. He didn’t want that for him and Shepard. Still, they trusted each other, and if they wanted to make it right, honesty was the first step. _Right with you_ , she had said after she helped him finally down Sidonis inside the Zakera ward. _I’m right with you_.

Garrus leaned back into the cushiony seat of the sleeping pod. In a moment, he’d go back to optimizing firing algorithms, but for now, he allowed himself to bask in the warm feeling he got from thinking about Shepard. Fighting mercs, the geth, and the collectors with her had certainly gained another edge since she first proposed they’d test his reach and her flexibility. Knowing they weren’t just partners-in-arms but potentially something more made it all real in a sense he hadn’t felt before.

 _Right with you, Shepard_. Garrus closed his eyes with a sigh.


End file.
